It’s been a tough couple weeks. On a personal level, I started a new job. And while it is a wonderful job, it is still new. Takes a while to find your feet in any career change. But this new job has one annoying requirement. I need to use my cell phone. As a cell phone. I have to be able to download apps and all those things that I’ve been avoiding for decades. My current smart phone is nowhere up to that capacity… So I have to get a new phone. Yuck…
But when I grumblingly headed off to Verizon to get a smarter phone, I discovered something even more yuck… Apparently, some existing customer at Verizon is using my social security number on their account. Which would be heart-stopping except I am about 90% certain that this person is not using that number anywhere else. For one thing, I just paid my taxes and nothing went wrong with that (I got a refund!). But even stronger evidence comes from the stringent background check I just had to undergo for my new job — which turned up no flags on my identity. So, my suspicion is that this was a clerical error when this other person set up their account.
Either way, error or identity theft, it is the law in both Vermont and the US that the organization that discovers an incorrect identification must take action within 24 hours and report to the affected parties within two days of the discovery. When this was discovered on Monday evening, Verizon said that they would work to correct the problem and call me within 48 hours. Until they sort out the issue, I can’t open an account with Verizon, and I can’t just buy a phone because this other person’s Verizon credit is on my identification. So I went home without a phone.
On Tuesday, someone from the credit department called to say that my application had been approved. So I went back to Verizon. But it turned out that the credit department had not been talking to the fraud department… Nothing had been done about the other person on my identification number. It took over an hour to figure this out. This was purely because there is zero communication between departments in Verizon, and the call center people are not trained to deal with identity fraud. (They are barely trained to manage a conversation in English… and they are trying their best to navigate English-as-a-second-language in the wee hours of the morning their time…)
So I went home Tuesday evening still with no phone.
On Wednesday, the end of the 48 hour period that Verizon legally has to notify me of action taken, there were no messages. So I called the phone number the local Verizon guys had wrested from one of the call center representatives. This number connected me to the credit department where I was cheerily told that the application was approved. I then explained that I had already been told that and that the actual problem was this other person using my id — which befuddled the credit department representative. She gave me another number to call. Which I did. Only to reach a robot asking for my employee identification. Which I do not have.
So I traipsed back to Verizon — because it seemed like all that was necessary was a sales person making that call. But nothing doing.
Verizon still had done nothing. Now, at this point they were breaking the law, but whatever…
The sales guy and I spent hours talking to one English-challenged person after another. The only thing that was accomplished on Wednesday was that the other person’s account was locked. And I was told to give Verizon an additional 48-72 hours to fix the problem.
I did not go back on Thursday or Friday. I have heard nothing from Verizon. I would be concerned about this except I still think this is a clerical error… and now I suspect the existing customer is having just as many problems as I am trying to get this behemoth communications corporation, that doesn’t seem to have any internal communications capacity, to fix their account.
As a former banker, I know that it takes approximately five seconds to fix this sort of thing. The trick is getting the person with the right permissions on the problem. In a small organization, everybody knows who that person is. The problem is immediately delivered to their desk. But in a huge corporation, nobody knows what to do. I don’t think I have actually talked to anybody in the fraud department yet. And none of the call center people have any authority to address fraud — even if they know how. Which does not seem to be the case…
So tonight I will take myself off to Verizon once more. I will either walk out of the Verizon store with a phone and a fixed account… or I will go across the street (literally) to AT&T to get the phone and account. And then go talk to the family lawyers. If this is actual fraud, then Verizon, in not addressing the problem in a timely manner, is breaking the law as much as their existing customer. Moreover, it is rare for fraud to affect one person. Identity theft occurs in huge batches of data. So if my social security number has been compromised, then it is likely that many numbers have been compromised. And we know that many numbers have been compromised because DOGE activities compromised hundreds of thousands of social security accounts last spring. So if this is fraud, then it is probably a class action lawsuit — and a hell of a headache for all of us…
However, I don’t think it is fraud. I think this is just extremely poor organization and poor employee training at Verizon. But still, even if this is a clerical error, both I and the existing customer deserve to have the problem fixed, and I think an attorney is going to cut through the miscommunication better than I can.
So that was all happening…
But then, there was this war…
I don’t know about you, but I just can’t stop trying to make sense of it. And making sense of it is impossible. Because there is no sense. There is nothing except the deranged whims of a demented narcissist.
Even so, I keep obsessively reading and watching whatever expert analysis I can dig up. Only to see that the experts are floundering around just as much as I am. Because there is no explanation. We all know that. And we don’t have experts on irrationality. For good reasons…
By Saturday, I had gotten to the point where I was literally doom scrolling, just trying to find out what the hell was happening. Because so much media is just repeating Trump’s social media posts — which are only tangentially related to fact. What he says is less related to what is happening on the ground in the Middle East than the daily horoscope for Aquarians. (Yes, I did that little experiment last week…)
With all the destruction and disinformation, I would say my mental health was tipping sideways. I was feeling disempowered and terrified and hopeless. Which means fascism was winning. So I turned it all off and sat down with it.
After a bit of quiet meditation, I remembered that I am not powerless. Nor are you. None of us are. But we must be forced to believe that we are powerless if this regime is to take our power from us. So we are kept paralyzed under a barrage of irrational fear and destruction from all directions, to the extent that we can’t feel our own strength. The disinformation I was futilely trying to disentangle is not merely an effect of an administration that is incapable of rational planning. A barrage of complete bullshit that makes it impossible to tell truth from lies, impossible to know what is actually happening out there or to explain what is happening right in front of your eyes, is a central tool of authoritarians. The confusion and disorientation is the point. Because that is how we acquiesce. That is how we relinquish our agency to some “strong man” who will fix it.
Fortunately for me, I don’t believe in strong men. So fascism doesn’t work so well on me. However, it’s still disorienting and destabilizing. Because they’ve done a bang-up job on disinformation and irrationality this time around.
So I wonder if any of you are feeling similarly. And if so, I have some tips now.
Number one: Stay off social media. There is nothing helpful out there.
Number two: Find a trusted source of information, one that is as close to the lived experience as possible. This is not a time for analysis. In fact, analysis might not be possible… given whims of a demented narcissist and so on… So stick to a source of verifiable fact.
Number three: Do concrete things.
On Sunday, I planted seeds for my tomatoes, eggplant and basil. I roasted potatoes and leeks for St Patrick’s Day and baked a couple quiches for the remainder of the week. I cleaned the house and did the laundry. In addition to tromping up and down the stairs with flats of seed pots, I did yoga and rode the stationary cycle. All these things need to be done regardless of what else is going on in the world. I’m sure you have a list you can tackle. When the confusion gets too much, go do those things that need to be done.
It’s interesting, but doing what you need to do for yourself not only gets your needs met, but it also trains your brain to withstand the despair-inducing barrage. That barrage is actually rewiring your brain to believe that you can’t do anything for yourself, that you should cower in fear. And this can happen very quickly… But the antidote? Is simply doing something, is accomplishing something, is acting in a way that meets your tangible needs. Doing something proves to your brain that you are not powerless. Doing something grounds your brain in reality.
Where the disinformation barrage causes the fear center in your brain, the amygdala, to enlarge and dominate all your responses, doing something calms the fear center and grows connections in the prefrontal cortex, the executive center of your brain. Doing something actually enables you to think rationally, to plan, to make decisions, to solve problems, and to make sense of a situation. And it doesn’t have to be anything big. Any tiny thing you do and do well proves to your brain that you can do things, that you are an agency-haver, that you are not powerless. And it helps you see the barrage for what it is — irrational nonsense.
This doesn’t make the nonsense any less horrifying. But you will no longer be crippled by that horror. In fact, once freed from the thought-stopping paralysis, you might find that there are things you can do to ameliorate the horror. You may not be able to do anything directly to stop the war in the Middle East… but you can write letters to your congressional representatives. You can gather donations and find out how and where to send them. You can stop supporting violent, fascist individuals and industries with your purchases — and with your clicks and views and reposts.
And in one of the more delightful circles of cause and effect, a very effective way to stop supporting the machine that is killing Iranian school-girls and destroying most of Lebanon and to simultaneously train your brain to believe that you have efficacy is to do things to meet your own needs. To take care of yourself rather than spending money to pay someone else to do that — with most of the money you spend going to some billionaire middle-man who will, no doubt, use that wealth to prosecute war among other evils. So…
I have a brain-training exercise for you… bake bread. It will make you feel better in every way. And it will help the world. Especially if you buy your ingredients locally or from small, trusted suppliers. So, here is a St Patrick’s Day recipe to help you make sense of the world.
Irish Brown Bread with Currants & Cardamom
Ingredients
4 1/2 cups flour (any combination: today was 2 1/2 cups wheat, 2 cups bread flour) 1 tsp salt 1 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp ground cardamom 2 Tbs white wine vinegar 2 cups yogurt 3/4 cup dried currants
Instructions
To begin with, my normal recipe calls for an egg. I didn’t have an egg. So I scratched that.
Preheat the oven to 450°F.
Line a baking sheet with parchment and sprinkle it with coarse corn meal.
Most traditional recipes call for buttermilk. I don’t normally have buttermilk. But I do have an acidic dairy product in the fridge all the time — yogurt. It is sufficiently acidic to use on its own, but sometimes I like the extra rise of adding a bit of vinegar, as you might do for making buttermilk pancakes, sans buttermilk. I use 1 tablespoon good vinegar of some variety to complement the recipe per 1 cup of yogurt. You can also just use whole milk with vinegar at the same ratio.
In any case, add the vinegar to the yogurt, stirring until combined. Let it sit for at least five minutes.
Using your hands, combine the flour(s), salt, baking soda and ground cardamom. Be sure to break up any soda lumps.
Make a well in the dry ingredients and add the yogurt.
Mix this with your hands until combined. Then add the currants.
Knead the dough until it is smooth and somewhat elastic. Depending on your flour mix (and your climate), you may need to add a bit of water. Whole wheat flour tends to soak up liquids, so I added about 3 tablespoons water to this dough.
Form the dough into a ball with a flattened bottom and place it in the prepared baking sheet.
Let the dough sit for a few minutes while you wash up the mess.
Using a sharp knife, cut a deep X into the top. (This is to let the mischief out of the dough, according to old wives… who probably know what they’re talking about.)
Place the baking sheet in a 450°F oven on the center rack. Bake for 15 minutes.
Turn the heat to down 400°F. I find it helpful to turn the loaf around at this point; cooks more evenly and helps to reduce the oven temperature quickly. Bake for an additional 30 minutes until it is golden brown and makes a hollow thump when rapped on the bottom of the loaf.
If the bread is not done at the end of 30 minutes, lightly cover the top with foil to prevent burning.
You can eat this bread as soon as it is cool enough to handle. It keeps for a few days in an airtight container. (Or beeswax wrap — which is my favorite thing for keeping breads fresh!)
It is best served warm with a bit of butter or creme fraiche. I also like fruit preserves on soda bread, but with the currants I think this recipe is sweet enough as it is.
And on sweet… In the US, most of the soda bread for sale is full of sugar and then often it is coated in a thick glaze, almost like it’s been candied. I suppose that’s fine now and then, but I don’t like sugar that much. And even if I did, I think the sugar would overwhelm the salty, nutty taste of Irish bread. So this is how I make it. For the record, whenever I find a recipe from Ireland (or really anywhere but here) there is never sugar added to the dough, though I have seen a few with a citrus glaze that probably makes it taste like Christmas. So feel free to experiment!
You might want some corroboration of the things I’ve claimed above. I could send you off reading psychology research and neuroscience books and manuals on recognizing and resisting fascism… but here are some folks who have laid things out rather neatly.
First, here is the neuroscience highly simplified but not dumbed-down: Barry’s Economics by Barry Ferns. A true gem. Support the guy! He’s doing fantastic work!
This is historian Rutger Bregman, author of Humankind, showing us exactly what fascism is and what tools it uses on us.
And this is Elizabeth Cronise MaLaughlin from the Ripple Effect Institute with a ten-step guide to actually doing resistance.
©Elizabeth Anker 2026
By My Solitary Hearth 